Negative Emotions – Why You Should Not Repress Them and How To Use Them To Reconnect With Your Intuition – Part 2 – Guilt, Shame, Jealousy, Envy, Resentment

How to handle your negative emotions

Hi, beautiful soul.

Don’t you hate it when you get in the grip of guilt and then you feel like stuck in a black hole?

Or when you feel the stings of jealousy so strong that you can’t sleep at night?

I know I can’t stand feeling like this. Cause it sucks. Big time!

So what should we do?

Hide in the dark and hope it will pass? Meh.

There are other ways. Keep reading.

This post is the second part of the series dedicated to negative emotions: what to do about them for the highest good, of yourself and anyone around you.

If you haven’t read the previous post make sure you check it out before reading this one. There I explain a few of the neurological and hormonal changes that happen in your brain and body when you are subjected to anger

I also touch on the buddhist view of things, which, quite surprisingly, is very coherent with what modern science has to say. Only that it uses different words. Go figure!

And you get tools to handle anger without repressing it or acting it out in ways that would make you regret it later. Very quick overview: take the elevator; imagine your emotions as guests; meditate to create a buffer. 

So, now that we’ve done this little recap, let’s dig into today’s topic.

The other major guests in your house that you usually don’t want to host or cater to for more than it is necessary for their message to come through are:

Guilt, Shame, Jealousy, Envy, Resentment, Sadness

To make this easier to follow we’ll tackle them one by one. We’ll get to the first one in a minute. 

Before that, let me give you another perspective on how we deviate from our loving, pure, perfect core, which is our Soul,  and end up acting out different roles: The Helpless Victim, The Abuser, The Saviour, The Bitter Resentful Bitch, The Shamed Child, The Sad Joe or The Angry Jane.

(I’m so good at playing the Helpless Victim, which one is your favourite? 🙂

And of course there are many other combinations of these “personas” or roles that we embrace throughout our lives, but for today we stick to only a few.

The thing is like this: when you are a child, you are dependent for your survival on the adults around you. There’s not much you can do in your first years of life, so you often feel helpless and dependent on other people.

And because of that you have some basic fears that are meant to keep you alive: 

  1. fear of death – survival mode
  2. fear of not belonging
  3. fear of not having intimate connection
  4. fear of being alone

So because of these basic fears, anytime an important figure in your life does something that keeps you from manifesting your Soul’s desire, which in essence is pure love, joy, creativity and has a desire to help everyone live their truth, you suffer a shock. Bang!

And then you only have 2 options:

  1. you go into soul retreat – which is what a depressive state looks like
  2. or you create a persona, a mask that will allow you to go on living, even if not from your true core. 

So throughout your life, in the process of education, depending on how nurturing or abusing your parents and other authority figures have been, you’ll create less or more of these personas so you can survive.

Are you still with me? Good.

The problem is that, even if you don’t need them anymore as an autonomous adult, they’ve become so accustomed to you that you think: “this is who I am”.

You think you ARE a an angry, sad or guilty person by default. 

Which is not true.

Or you think that when [A] happens – (replace [A] with any event or person that will trigger these personas) your only choice is [B] (replace [B] with any of the personas that helped you survive as a child).

That’s why you need to understand these masks and make an effort to create that buffer that will allow you to disidentify from them and act from your strong, beautiful Soul. 

I see now how this theory is supported and complemented by the neurological pathways one that I told you about in the previous article. 

Anyhow, let’s get to these personas or masks that we all cary around as our second skin or really tight suit ☺. 

The “magic” trick is that whenever a trigger comes up we should do the following: observe the persona that awakens and become aware of their presence; e.g. “Oh, I see I am acting out as The Helpless Victim now”…hmmmm…interesting.

This process of observation allows us to take a step back and then the magic happens: we can then CHOOSE if we want to act from the persona’s or from our our Soul’s perspective. Yey! 🙂

Good, now that you’ve found out the magic trick we can all go have an ice cream. That’s it.

You don’t need to read the rest of this long post.

Unless you want to find out the specifics about each of these negative emotions.

Still here? I prefer guilt-free-chocolate-ice-cream with a sprinkle of shameless-vanilla-topping, in case you want to bring me some.

Good, now let’s talk about the first guests:

Shame and Guilt

Well aren’t these two a nice pair!

There a million reasons or triggers that might make us invite these guests into our houses.

It’s important to know that what might be a trigger for me might be completely irrelevant to you, and viceversa. (Like you might like pistachio ice-cream, while I would pass by it completely not-interested.)

From the perspective of your Soul’s or heart’s reality, you feel shame when:

– you are trying to invade someone’s space in an abusive way

– you are using more power than necessary over someone less strong than yourself, like a child or an old person

– you betray your Soul, going against what feels right for you

The hidden message of Shame: you’re doing something wrong to someone else or yourself. 

Shame turns into Guilt if you succeed in hurting another person or continue betraying your Soul’s truth by going in the wrong direction.

The hidden message of Guilt: I will torment you until you do something to make a mens. 

Soul Solution: do something to repair the abuse that you’ve consciously or unconsciously done over someone; or stop, breath and reassess the path you are going and then choose the one you know is right for you. 

 

False Guilt or False Shame

I can hear you think: “whaaaat, is there such a thing as false guilt or false shame? How can I experience a “false” feeling? I know what I’m feeling, how can it be false?”  

If you remember, I ended the previous post with this question:

“Did you ever feel weird when someone asked for your help, and a part of you said “yeah, let’s help this poor person”, but another part of you was reluctant, feeling like “nope, they don’t really want my help?”

Anyhow, lemme explain a bit more.

Have you ever experienced this: sometimes, with some people, no matter how much you help them they are never OK? I know it happened to me a couple of times.

And after a while it sucked. I felt like no matter what I was doing that person was never happy.

They continued to ask, ask, ask but they never really did something relevant with the help I offered to get themselves out of their black hole. 

So what in the name of flying unicorns is going on with these people?

There are human beings around us who are so caught up in their dark spaces, so separated from their true selves, from their Souls, that they turn into “professional victims”.

They create an identity from their Poor Me Persona so they’ll trigger the Saviour or the Abuser in the unconscious people around. (“Unconscious” refers to the degree of awareness, not to the fact that someone’s awake or sleeping.)

They become so good at triggering your week points  that, if you are not centred and aware you fall into the trap. Bang, and you don’t even know what hit you! (I’ve just realised I’ve been using a lot of “bang” today!) 

You know there’s something wrong because you experience False Guilt or False Shame.

You are helping them because you feel guilty or shamed not because you genuinely want to help.

This is an uncomfortable state and you might repeat it a few times until you learn to recognise the person who is in a genuine need for help from the one who’s just a Professional Victim. 

You don’t do them any favour on the long term if you continue helping them to maintain this way of being.

Of course it will not be easy to tell them no, they might turn into Abusers but if you keep yourself centred and aligned with your truth they’ll eventually either break free from their persona or get away from you. Either way, it’s a win-win.

Sadness

This guest or persona appears when you separate from what is good for you: a place, a person etc. 

Soul Solution: observe the thing or person you are drawn to and ask for guidance from your Higher Self, your guiding Angels or whatever form of superior guidance you are used to communicate with. 

Resentment

This guest is another aspect of anger. It appears to warn you that someone is using your energy with an impure intent. It relates back to the Professional Victim case above.

Envy and Jealousy

Another joly pair! They are both part of the spectrum of Inspiration. 

You are inspired by the way someone is or by what they have accomplished in their life when you see them and think: “I can also become like them one day or I can also succeed in that regard!”

Envy covers the aspect of having or owning stuff.

It appears when you see someone that has something you also want but you don’t believe you can ever get to that point.

You think something like: “I’ll never be able to buy a house or a car like that!”

Jealousy is about the aspect of being.

It appears when you see someone being in certain way and you belive you’ll never be able to be like them.

For example: “I’ll never be as famous/thin/gracious/rich/happy as them!” 

Both envy and jealousy though have this secret message: if you feel them it means you have what it takes to achieve what you are envious or jealous of.

If the seed for that was not already in you, you wouldn’t have been able to see or recognize those traits in another person. 

The most dangerous form of jealousy appears in couple relationships.

Most toxic relationships are born like this: one person doesn’t express a part of her soul and she’s irrestibly drawn to one that does express it.

For example: a guy who doesn’t express joy or vulnerability is drawn to a very joyful and feminine woman. He thinks he can never express these sides of his Soul and he wants to posses the person who expresses them. Having sex is the closest way of being with and possessing that person. 

If he doesn’t alllow himself to express these sides of his Soul he will become jealous. In time this can turn to distructive jealousy when he might want to destroy what he can’t have. 

This can happen to both man and women, I’ve just given this example to make it easier to understand. 

Soul Solution: whenever you feel envious or jealous remind yourself that you have what it takes to have what you want or to manifest the sides of your soul just like that person you’re jealous of. If this weren’t true you would have past by them without any reaction. 

So it’s on you to take a step back and start acting towards accomplishing your desires using that person as an inspiration and a model of success. Thinking: “If s/he can do this, I can do it too!” will get back on track with your Soul’s truth. 

Wrapping-up

Whenever you feel bad, be it sad, ashamed, guilty, jealous or envious your Soul is trying to tell you something.

It usually means you are about to do or already have done something wrong against your truth or somone else’s truth.

Taking a moment to breath and observe what’s really going on and then taking the reparatory actions if need be will free your house from these guests.

They will go away by themselves. Not because you kicked them out or hidden them in the basement, but because once you’ve heard and listened to their message, their presence is not needed anymore.

Their mission is complete. And you can go back to experiencing your Soul’s reality, which is love, joy, kindness, generosity and creativity.

With all my love,

Raluca

P.S. I know it’s more complicated to break free from our personas’ grip than just to observe them and step back, at least in the beginning. That’s why the next post will be all about practical tools to help you get back on track when you’ve already fallen in a “black hole”. 

 

Negative Emotions – Why You Should Not Repress Them and How To Use Them To Reconnect With Your Intuition – Part I – Anger

How to handle negative emotions - part 1

If you’ve been following the previous blog posts you should have a clear picture of what if feels like for you when you are in tune with your intuition, and also how it feels when your inner voice warns you that you are off-track

In today’s post we go in depth studying negative emotions and how to handle them so they can become a tool for your evolution. 

Forced Positive Thinking = Sugar Coating Your Shit Instead of Owning It

From my experience, especially in the last decades or so, there has been a lot of confusion around “positive thinking” and “positive psychology”, “visualisation” and so on. 

Many people got the idea that “if I just force my self to think positive I will be able to get over the anger” which to me sounds like hiding the garbage under the rug. 

At the other extreme are those who encourage expressing and manifesting your negative emotions in a controled and safe environment, like hitting pillows or a punching bag.

In extreme cases and for short periods of time, these approaches can help you. 

I experienced both of them, and yes, it feels good to hit a punching bag for a few minutes. And it’s helpful to repeat myself a soothing phrase when I feel I’m on the verge of acting out in a distructive way. 

But, for the long term, these approaches don’t work very well. They are OK solutions for short term situations, once you’re already in the grip of a disturbing emotion. 

But what if I told you there is another way? What if you can learn what these so called negative emotions are trying to tell you and then you can choose to act upon or not in a conscious manner?

How To Understand and Own Your Negative Emotions. First Step: Take The Elevator 

No, I’m not talking about a real elevator, but a metaphorical one. 

Lemme explain. In order to understand what your negative emotions are trying to tell you from the perspective of your soul, you need to step outside yourself.

Imagine you’re taking an elevator that gets you a few floors up. Are you there yet? Good. Now look down at the situation you’re in.  Tadaaa! you now have a bigger perspective on it. 

This bigger and higher perspective is essential to help you detach from the grip of any negative emotion. 

You don’t deny it or repress it, and you aren’t feeding it with energy neither. 

You just create a small gap or buffer which will allow you to take a conscious action. Another way of creating this buffer is to think of your negative emotions as guests. 

Second Step: Think of Your Negative Emotions as Guests in Your House.

You can choose wether you welcome them and give them food and water or even a glass of wine, or 

keep them outside your house and not give them any cookies.

Now that we know what we need to do in order to not totaly fall in the grip of our negative emotions, we can start studying them one by one. 

In this approach that I suggest you’ll try and descipher their hidden message from the perspective of your soul’s mission. 

Your Guest Today is Good Ol’ Fashioned Anger.

Anger comes in many forms in your house, and its basic function is to protect you from harm. 

How Does Anger Build Up On Itself Over and Over Again and Why?

Biologically, whenever you get angry your body releases stress hormones that keep you in the “fight or flight” state for hours, even after the event that triggered that state has passed. 

And with every new trigger that puts you again in a fighting mode, your body flushes a new wave of hormones into your blood stream to keep you ready to either fight or run the hell out of there. 

This basic system is what kept us alive in ancient times, when we were litterally facing death multiple times a day. 

The Primarly Function of Anger = Keep Us Safe From Harm

The problem in modern times is that even though a fight with our spouse or our boss, or someone  annoying us in traffic, are not life or death situations, our bodies respond with the same system, the ancient, reptilian brain, triggering the same stress hormones. 

And even though we don’t act upon our anger, but we feel it and repress it, annoying episode after another, inside our body we become cronically stressed. 

Because we are constantly, on a sub-conscious level, always in a “fight or flight” mode. 

We might not even realize this until the build up is so strong that we act in an disproportionate way to a minor fact. 

That’s how you get to see people shooting eachother or beating eachother up just because one crossed in front of the other in traffic. 

Along with the stress hormones build up, every angry re-action reenforces the synapses between the neurons that make you do A when B happens. 

Every Angry Re-Action Adds Another Brick In The Wall 

For example “you start yelling=A when your kid spills milk=B on your new shirt”. 

So every time you repeat this angry behaviour the connections between your neurons are getting stronger and bigger, they build the equivalent of a highway. 

So in time, because our brain loves shortcuts and doing things on autopilot, it will “force” you to adopt the same behaviour, over and over again. 

And in time you will become known as “an angry person”, one that “you never know when is going to blow up”. 

And You’ll End Up Feeling Like You Have No Other Choice But Being Angry

So this is the scientific explanation of how normal people become “angry” people, irrational beings who act out on every little thing that bothers them. 

The Buddhist teachings are calling this compulsive behaviour “karma”. 

It’s basically the same thing described by neuroscience in terms of synapes or connections between the neurons.

The “Compulsive Behaviour” Is What Karma Actually Is

So there’s nothing new under the sun! 

It amazes me how 2500 year old texts describe so accurately what modern science has just recently discovered. 

And this compulsive behaviour applies not only to disruptive emotions, like anger and dissatisfaction, but also to constructive ones, like joy and gratitude. So that’s the good news.

Back to anger now. In terms of your Soul’s wisdom, anger has the basic function to protect you from harm. Its basic message is “you are in danger, protect yourself!”. 

It acts just like your imune system: if a virus or a bacteria invades your body, your imune system will fight it and then it will keep a memory of it so anytime in the future it will instantly recognize it and attack it. 

It’s similar with your lymbic system, responsible to alert you and prepare you in case an outside threat appears: it will attach a strong emotion to that threat so you’ll easily recognize it and avoid it in the future. 

The thing with non-deadly threats, like a querrel, a smal traffic incident, someone bullying you when you were a kid, is that your lymbic system doesn’t really make the difference between these situations and the real life or death ones. 

And it reacts to all of these just like as if your life was in danger. 

Living in modern times represents a very small percentage in the evolution of our brain, whereas the ancient, reptilian one has been around for way longer. 

So it didn’t really have the time to come up with new, more subtle reactions, to make the difference between “a boss yelling at me” and “a tiger attacking me”. For your unconscious brain, these two situations are both enough reason to put you in a fight or flight mode. 

So what can we do? 

First, to learn these basic things about how the brain works, helps you understand a bit what happens in your body when you get in a potentially dangerous situation. 

Second is to get it that anger is almost always a cover up emotion or a secondary emotion, right after the fear of being hurt. 

Anger Is Always a Cover Up Emotion, Usually Hiding A Fear of Being Hurt

In most of the cases anger has multiple possible messages:

  1. warning, this person is going to hurt me 
  2. this person is abusing me
  3. this person has an impure intent even if she acts as if she’s trying to help me

In the obvious situations when someone is violent towards us then it’s easy to understand anger’s role: giving us energy to protect ourselves from the abuser.

In the more subtle situations, when a person acts like their good and nice and wanting to help, but we somehow have a nasty feeling inside and we don’t know why, it might happen because of that person’s impure intent. 

And if we ignore that feeling we might become even more irritated until we manifest anger and we do something to get away from that person.

To sum it up, be mindful that anger is almost never the primar emotion. 

Anger is the secondary one, usualy covering up a fear. 

I’ll give you another example. Even if you’re not a parent you can easily relate to this one. And maybe it will help you better understand your parents reactions every time your were late home when you were a teen 🙂

Let’s say your 15 year old daughter is out at a party with some friends. You agree that she comes home by 23 hours. You wait for her. It’s 23:10 and she’s not home yet. You wait a bit more, a bit anxious. 23:20 you pick up the phone to call her, and she doesn’t answer. 

A mix of feelings and thoughts go through your mind: you are worried “what if something happened?” and you get angry when you think that she’s doing this because she doesn’t respect you, she doesn’t care, she’s just a spoiled teenager and you’ll teach her a lesson when she gets home. 

You call her again and she still doesn’t answer. More worry mixed with anger, depending on the thoughts you feed in your mind. 

23:30 she finaly gets home, saying she’s sorry, there was a minor accident on the way, a car ran into her taxi, nothing serious but they had to stay there and solve the situation with the police and she forgot her phone at her friend’s house and that’s why she couldn’t warn you of being late.

Now, your initial emotion was that you were worried sick for her safety. The second emotion was anger because you didn’t know anything about her and because you assumed she was just acting like an irresponsible teen. 

Now that you’ve found out the truth and saw that she was O.K. you can let go of your anger and express your genuine worry and wish for her to be O.K.

Observe how your feelings change according to the thoughts you have. And untill you find out the truth you’re actually re-acting to an illusion, to a story that you tell yourself in your mind. 

You Can Choose Your Reactions If You Create a Buffer

Here’s where the power of a meditation practice, especially mindfulness exercises, can really help you. 

You learn to not believe or react to every thought you have and you create a buffer where you have the time to take a step back and decide what to believe and how to react. 

Without this buffer it’s impossible to choose how to act and you’re constantly in re-active state. 

You feel a compulsive urge to act in a certain way and think “that’s just the way I am, I’m just a type A person, there’s nothing I can do”. 

Well, that’s simply false! 

Just like you developed a bad habbit you can develop a healthy one: through practice. 

Meditation and Mindfulness Practice Helps You Create The Buffer

And just like with any other big shift that you’ve gone through in your life, there is no overnight magic pill or one big push that you can do and then pufff! You’ve transformed. Nope. 

It’s the small, baby steps that you choose to make every single day and every hour of your life that will take you there.

If you’ve ever trained for a marathon or an ultra-marathon you know what I’m talking about. 

Anyhow, this post is turning way too long. So I’ll stop here for now. 

I’ve gotten into all the details about what’s happening in your brain and in your body when you get angry because the processes are similar for any other emotion. 

The difference is in the type of hormones released and in the feeling good or feeling bad about experiencing them.

In the next post I’ll cover other emotions that we usually label as negative like jealousy, sadness, guilt, shame, resentment, greed from the perspective of their hidden message and how they can help you become more in tune with your inner voice. 

All my love, 

Raluca

P.S. Did you ever feel weird when someone asked for your help, and a part of you said “yeah, let’s help this person”, but another part of you was reluctant, feeling like “nope, they don’t really want my help?” Which part of you was right, in tune with your intuition?

What Are Your Particular Signs When You Go Against Your Intuition?

What are your signs when you go against your intuition

Someone told me once some wise words in a chat about personal development:

“Motivation itself is not enough. If you take an idiot and motivate him, now you’ll have a motivated idiot”.

This made me laugh and also think about the times when I’ve been pushing myself, “motivating” myself in all kinds of ways just to keep going in the wrong direction. Because my gut was telling me “stop”, but I kept acting like “a motivated idiot”. 

Let me give you a clear example: let’s say you’re planning to go on a road trip from Washington DC to Miami, and instead of heading South you go very determined up North, towards Maine. It doesn’t make any sense. And when you’re GPS tells you, “wrong direction, change course”, if you don’t listen to it, you will keep heading in the wrong direction. 

It’s exactly the same with your internal GPS, your intuition. It acts just like the guidance system on your car, except that it doesn’t talk to you so loudly and it also doesn’t give you such precise maps.

It usualy gives you enough info so you can take the next step. And then when you’ve reached it, it will give you info about the next one. And so on and so forth. 

Unlike the car GPS who can layout the whole map with the turns and the twists on the road ahead up to your final destination, your internal GPS is more subtle and gives you insights for the next portion of your path. 

And similarly, if you listen to it, it will tell you both when your’re heading in the right direction (link to week 4 month 1) but also when you’re acting bananas. When you’re actualy heading for peaches. You get my point. 

So we’ve already covered the basics of how your intuition talks to you when going in the right direction, it’s equally important to know the “red flags”, so you know when it’s time to step back or change course. 

Without further ado, let’s dive right in.

Step#1: How Your Soul Tells You Are Off Track – What Are Your Particular Signs When You Go Against Your Intuition

If you’ve done the exercise in this post where you’ve practiced discovering your “green light” signs, it will be quite easy to do this one too. Although maybe, just maybe…it might be not so enjoyable.

But, we need the dark to discern the light, so let’s be brave and figure this out, shall we?

For this exercise you’ll need to grab a pen and paper and block 5 to 10 minutes of private time. This means turn off your cell phone and make sure you’ll not be disturbed for the next 10 minutes. 

Ready?

Good. Now breath in deeply, exhale slowly and fully and think of 3 situations from your past experiences when you felt out of tune with life, alone, sad, misfit or angry. Or simply very tired or nervous, anxious without a reason or overreacting to whatever life brought to you. 

You know that feeling, when you hurt your pinkie toe in the morning, spill coffee on your brand new white shirt, arrive late for an important meeting, your boss yells at you for no apparent reason and when you get home your spouse picks on because you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.

It’s moments like these when you feel like life is punishing you on every corner and you keep getting into the wrong people, at the wrong time, in the wrong place. 

I know this sounds like a place you never want to be in again, so you’d like to forget all about it. But, we need these experiences to help us figure out the signs that our intuition was giving us, but we chose to ignore them, or had no idea what it was trying to tell us. 

Think of these experiences as the mud on which the beautiful lotus grows. Without the mud, there would be no lotus flower, right? 

The exercise consists of remembering these three situations and then describing in writing the following:

  1. The specific situation, in brief. Focus on answering shortly to when? what? with whom? where?
  2. The sensations in your body. For this you might need to let yourself be immersed again in that situation, that’s why it’s good to allow yourself a few minutes. Scan your solar plexus, your tummy, your entire body, your feet, your shoulders, and write down specific sensations. They might be or not similar to: “my solar plexus feels cold and contracted”, “my feet are restless”, “I have a sad face”, “my back is curved” or “I have a heavy, bleah feeling in my whole body”. Each person is unique and has her own signals, make sure you identify yours.
  3. The emotions and feelings you were experiencing: tension, agitation, nervousness, sadness, anger, feeling overwhelmed and so on. These are the most common, you might experience different ones. There is no right or wrong here.
  4. The thoughts you had about yourself and the world. You might have had thoughts like: “I can’t do anything in this world”, “I’m all alone”, “The world is a living hell”, “All is going bad” and so on. It’s important to identify your view of the world while being out of tune with your intuition. 

Hand writing connects you better with your subconscious mind and that is why it’s better to do this the old school way.

After you finish this exercise the end result will be a piece of paper that will contain the basic reference points, specific to You, when you are out of tune with your inner guidance system.

This piece of paper can and should be further developed and refined as you become more aware of your intuition. 

The next exercise will help you do just this throughout your daily activities, without the need to block out 10-15 minutes. 

Step#2: Observe Any Signs of Tension, Unease or Nervousness For a Week

For the next week, observe yourself whenever you have an unease, whether psychological or physical. Observe any tension that you might have in your body, the tone of your voice, the frown on your face throughout your day.

Be very mindful especially in the situations when you know you are most prone to get you in a bad mood. A meeting with a person you don’t like, a trafic jam, a delicate talk with your spouse or whatever. 

If the situation allows you, take a moment to write down a few words about that feeling, without judging yourself. If the situation or your tension tends to escaladate it’s better if you take a few moments to just breath in and out deeply and slowly to help you recenter. 

Otherwise you’ll get back on the hamster’s wheel of your reactions. Even if you do fall back, once you realise it, write it down and observe from a distance what happened and what you can do to prevent it in the future.

It will only take you a few seconds or one minute to do this. You might think this tiny exercise can’t do much for you, but trust me, after one week you’ll start seeing some benefits.

Observing without judging where you are, how you feel, brings you back to yourself regardless of how busy your life is. And it helps you not fall over and over again in the trap of your old habitual ways of getting angry, sad or upset in the blink of an eye. 

After doing this second exercise for one week you can come back to the sheet of paper you wrote during the first exercise and add some new sensations, emotions or thoughts if you have them. 

So that is it for now. I’ll be back in one week with an indepth post on how to develop your skills of dealing with negative moods or emotions on a daily basis, what their hidden message is and how to use that message to further strengthen your connection with your intuition.

Let me know how this was for you in the comments bellow, I would love to hear from you.

All my love, 

Raluca

3 Practical Steps To Get You Centred and Attunded With Your Intuition

3 Steps to attune with your intuition

In this previous post  I’ve given you the absolute begginer’s guide to start tunining in with your intuition. So if you’ve practiced those two steps in the past week you should be already at the “begginer + 1” level up on the way to becoming more intuitive.

If you didn’t read this post yet I suggest you to go read it now or right after you finish this one.

Now that we’ve got this out of the way let’s dive right into today’s topic:

3 Practical Steps To Get You Centred and Attuned with your Intuition

Step#1 – Observe your breathing for 5 minutes every morning

If you don’t have some kind of daily meditation practice already, then for this next week start spending 5 minutes in silence in the morning.

If you wake up a bit earlier than everyone else in your home you don’t even need to prevent them and ask them to not disturb you for 5 minutes. If they are awake, it is a good idea to let them know of your new morning routine.

Good, now that you’ve prepared your environment you’re ready to start.

You don’t need any meditation pillow or special conditions for this. You don’t even need an app, just the timer of your phone.

If you want an app, I use Insight Timer, it’s free on the App Store. I like it because it has a nice bell for the beggining and the end of your set time. And it shows you how many other people around the world are meditating in the same time with you.

Especially in the beggining, this info, that “you just meditated with 1859 people” makes you feel like you’re not alone in this, and that you are part of a worldwide community of likeminded people.

Whatever your chosen timer, set it for 5 minutes and put your phone on airplane mode so your mind knows that there is no chance to be disturbed. This small gesture is very important.

Start by sitting comfortably, on the side of your bed or of a chair, with your back straight, your feet firm on the floor, your hands resting on your thighs or in your lap.

For the next few minutes observe your breathing, notice the air going in and out of your nose. You can keep your eyes open or closed, for me it’s easier to keep them closed.

You can use counting breaths to help you stay on the task. Either way, your mind will wander off a billion times.

That is O.K.

The act of taking your attention back to your breathing every time you notice it has gone somewhere else is what is developing your meditation muscle.

You might judge yourself and think “I’m the worst meditator on Earth” (I know I did ☺ ) but this struggle and constant coming back to your breathing is what meditation is about, at least in the beggining.

In time, you’ll be able to add other objects to focus on during your meditation practice. For the first few months you should stick to training your attention to stay on one object, in this case, your breathing, for 5 minutes. Then yo can gradually increase the time to 10, 15 and 20 minutes or more daily.

The benefits of this simple 5 minutes practice appear since day one. From my experience this helps me set the tone of the day, it makes me feel in control of whatever arrives, and allows me to focus better on the tasks I have to do throughout my day.

Step #2: Observe Your Breathing A Few Times During Your Day

After you’ve practiced your 5 minutes of meditation in the morning it should come natural  to implement this next step: at random moments throughout your day, observe your breathing.

Especially when you find yourself in a rush, or if you feel overwhelmed of the many things you need to do, or just before you eat.

Take a moment and observe your breath.

You can do this right now, as you read these words, take a part of your attention to your breathing. How was it?

You’ll notice that by the simple fact of observing, your inbreath will tend to become deeper, feeling your tummy expanding, and your out breath longer.

It’s not like you’re forcing anything, it just happens naturally.

Benefits

Practicing this simple exercise for a week, will help you get more centred, calmer and more able to hear what your intuition wants to tell you.

Step #3: Consciously Observe Nature Throughout Your Day

This one can be combined with the previous step. Whenever you walk through a park or you look at some flowers on your desk, or simply enjoy the view of the sky through the window of your office, do it consciously.

Be aware of the soothing effect nature has on you. You can add a couple of deep breaths and there you go, you’ve just experienced your short “zen” moment in the middle of your busy day.

Benefits

It might seem like not much, but these short moments are like reset points for your nervous system. Research shows that we can manage stress a lot better if we give ourselves regular “time-out” moments, no matter how short. And we fall into burn-out a lot quicker without these moments.

It’s like if your day was a roller coaster, your conscious breathing moments while connecting with nature would be the pause moments, that allow you to calm down before another crazy loop.

People tend to ignore taking these breaks because they get caught up in the “I have to do so many things, I have no time for zen breathing” mentality. Research shows that these breaks increase your productivity, your overall energy and boost your creativity.

But you don’t need any scientists to proove you anything. You just try it for a few days, or a few months better, and you’ll experience the benefits yourself. Let me know how it was in a week or two.

Wrapping-up

Now you have 3 more easy exercises to practice with untill next week. Don’t dismiss them before you try them.

I practice all of them on a daily basis and I do feel more centred, calmer and more productive. I also feel the difference when I get lasy or I wake up late and don’t practice my minimum 5 minutes of sitting in silence in the morning.

On those days, I feel like things happen TO me and I keep re-acting to them, instead of acting upon them. I feel more scatered and my productivity is affected too. These days are good too, because they serve as a reminder of how good it is to stick to my practice.

So if you’ve skimmed this post, here are the 3 exercises you need to do daily in order to get more centred and attuned with your intuition.

Step #1 – practice 5 minutes of sitting in silence, your eyes closed, your back straight and observing your breathing. No matter how many times your mind wanders off, get it back to the breathing.

Step #2 – observe your breath a few times throughout your day. Start now, while reading this. Good, now remember to repeat this a few more times, at random moments in your day.

Step #3 – consciously observe and connect with nature. Walk through a park, buy some flowers and put them on your desk, or just look at the sky. If you also breath consciously while doing this you’ve just gave your nervous system a smal reset, so you’ll have more energy and creativity in the next hour or so.

Now go out and practice! 🙂

Next week I’ll be back with exercises to help you figure out how it feels when you’re steering away from your intuitive guidance. From all the previous posts you should already know that you have specific bodily sensations, specific emotions and thoughts when you are in tune with your intuition. These are important to keep you on track.

But it is equally important to know what are the red flags when you’re going in the wrong direction.

Untill then keep breathing consciously and being your beautiful self.

All my love,

Raluca

P.S. Leave me a few words in the comments bellow and tell me how you experienced practicing these exercises.

Resources & further reading:

http://www.stress.org/meditation/

Kahn, PH, Friedman B, Gill B et al. A plasma display window?—The shifting baseline problem in a technologically mediated natural world. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 2008; 28: 192-199 as found on http://www.stress.org/management-tips 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-j-kriegel-phd/unplug-recharge_b_1333126.html 

http://www.finerminds.com/meditation/why-meditating-11-minutes-feel-better-now?utm_content=29833610&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook